Things You May Encounter on this CrAzY Journey

If you have read my previous posts, you probably already know a lot of the things that I encountered on this crazy journey, but this post is going to sum up some of those things.  I'm hoping that this post will help those suffering with PPD by making it clear that you are not alone in this journey--several others have gone before you and experienced the same things you are experiencing now.  I'm also hoping that this post will help those who are suffering alongside someone with PPD--hopefully this post will make you aware of some of the things that can happen while your loved one suffers from PPD.

Below is a list of some of the things you MAY encounter while going through PPD:

1.  Extreme sadness- this isn't just the "I'm sad because I don't fit my pre-pregnancy pants" type of sadness, this is the type of sadness that makes you feel hopeless.  No matter what things you accomplish in a day, you are unable to see things ever getting better and you think you will always feel this way.  Let me just say, this is a very deceptive type of depression because you really do feel like these feelings will never go away, but please know, they will.  With the right help (whether it be from your friends and family or from a psychologist/psychiatrist), things WILL get better.

2.  Feelings of not wanting your baby- I know this sounds like a horrible way to feel (especially if you are not the one suffering from PPD), but several mothers have these feelings while going through PPD.  What these mothers need are people who are not going to be judgmental!  It is important to feel like you have someone to talk to who will allow you to express your feelings wholly and truthfully.  This includes someone who can handle hearing that you do not want your baby...that you wish you would have never had the baby.  Again, this may sound harsh, but I'm not going to lie, I dealt with these feelings.  Thankfully, I was surrounded by very supportive people who allowed me to voice how I was feeling without making me feel like a horrible person!  This is KEY.  No one WANTS to feel this way, so making someone feel badly about feeling this way just further adds to the depression and guilt that these mothers are already facing.  That leads me to my next point...

 

3.  Guilt- I've written a lot about guilt throughout my blog because it is such a huge factor in all of this.  Mothers suffering from PPD deal with a lot of guilt.  Guilt for not bonding/attaching to their child right away.  Guilt for having feelings about not wanting their baby.  Guilt for not emotionally being there for their family and new baby.  Guilt for feeling like they can't keep it together including being able to complete things that they used to complete without any problems before they had the baby.  Guilt for sucking the energy out of friends and family who are trying to help them.  Guilt for not just being able to make themselves feel better.  And the list goes on and on.  Again, I just have to reiterate the fact that the biggest help I received was from people willing to listen to my problems and feelings without judging me or making me feel like I was just making things worse than what they really were.

 

4.  Anxiety- not everyone with PPD will have issues with anxiety, but some will.  The anxiety can range from mild to extreme.  For example, my anxiety included constant worry, nervousness, and panic attacks.  I can't even remember exactly what I worried about besides my child never sleeping through the night and how that was affecting me!  I would get so worked up that my heart rate would increase, I would begin sweating, I couldn't keep my legs still, and I would break out in hives.  Again, not everyone will experience anxiety, so don't think that if you are not experiencing it now that it means you will--that is definitely NOT the case.  You may not have it at all, and that is great!  For those who do have issues with anxiety, it is good to talk through any of the things that the anxiety is stemming from.  Sometimes just talking things out rationally will allow you to see that your fears/worries are not warranted--not that someone should say this and not validate your feelings, but rather, through discussion, others can help bring your anxiety level down.  You may have anxiety so severe that you need medication--don't beat yourself up over this, sometimes it's just necessary to help you through a rough time, it doesn't mean you will be on medication forever.

 

5.  Sleep deprivation- now this goes for every parent!  Having a newborn in the home definitely throws many things off especially SLEEP!  However, if you are experiencing PPD, you may have issues sleeping due to anxiety.  From my own personal experience, I found myself not being able to sleep even when my baby was asleep because I would start having panic attacks.  Sleep deprivation by itself can affect so many things.  Those of you helping someone with PPD, this is an area that you can assist with!  If the mother is open to it, volunteer to care for the child so the mother can get some sleep.  The ways that mothers feel about this will be different.  Some mothers will not feel comfortable allowing someone else to watch their newborn baby while others will welcome this respite.  It is important that you talk to the mother about how this can be arranged so that it will not cause anxiety or more anxiety.  For me, it was difficult to allow myself to sleep if I could hear my baby crying in my home, so I only really got rest if my child was not in my home.  I had a friend who lived two houses away from me who took my newborn overnight so I could get some sleep--thank God because I NEEDED that!  I also had my parents who would take my newborn for at least two nights a week for a few weeks in order for me to get some rest and to address my PPD issues.  Some mothers would prefer that their child be watched in their home while they sleep in another part of the home, this works great too.  The main point is...just be sensitive to the mother's feelings so that you will be a help!  Trust me, when planned right, the mother will not be able to thank you enough!

 

6.  Feelings of doom- these are the feelings that make someone suffering with PPD feel like the PPD will never end.  I remember feeling like I would always feel the way that I did after I first had my baby, but as time will show, things will change and life will get better, it's just making it through these rough times until things start to smooth back out.  My husband helped me to get through this.  He would continuously tell me that things would not always be this way.  At times, I would argue and say that I thought that several months before, but things still had not changed, while at other times it was good to hear someone else say that this too would pass and that things would get better.

 

7.  Resentment- some women may feel resentment towards others.  This resentment may stem from another mother having a baby at about the same time as you do and seeing that they are not having the issues that you are having.  It may be resentment towards your husband for several reasons.  One reason specifically could be that your husband gets to continue on with his life without having to deal with PPD personally; however, as you get better, you will realize that the PPD had much more of an effect on your husband than what you realized.  It could be due to feeling that your husband does not have as much responsibility as you do regarding the care of your child.  I'm sure this type of resentment occurs in relationships where PPD is not present just because as mothers, we typically do take on more of the caregiving role.  This can be a difficult topic to address with someone suffering from PPD because  it can be a touchy subject.  These discussions need to be well planned because it is easy for the two parties to begin blaming each other rather than trying to find a solution to help the mother overcome the resentment that has built up. 

 

Again, these are just some things that you MAY encounter while on this CrAzY journey.  I hope that by reading these things, you will feel that you are not alone.  I hope that you will feel that it is not uncommon to have these types of feelings and that these things will eventually come to an end---life WILL get better.  I hope that your loved ones can learn new ways to positively support you during this difficult time. 

 

As time passes, you will begin to see the positive changes that are occurring in your life.  Although it is a difficult journey, you will have the ability to reach so many other women due to your life experiences.  If you can get to a place where you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with others, you can really make an impact on others who are struggling with PPD or other types of depression.  What better way to have good come from this journey than to help others?  Keep your head up, stay in the Word, and STAND no matter what comes your way.  This too shall pass.