Another week went by and Seth made the trip to and from Grandma and Grandpa's house for another couple of nights. Again, it was a welcome relief. He still did not have his nights and days figured out, but he was sleeping a little bit more at night. By this point, even with some breaks, I was exhausted. I was still having anxiety and panic attacks. The medication had not fully kicked in yet, but it was helping some. I thought sleep would never come.
One Sunday night when Seth was about 2 months old, I was at a church service. We were singing the song "Open Up the Sky". Throughout that song I was praying for help. I was telling the Lord that I needed strength and I needed rest. I knew that he had promised me rest and I really wanted it! I kept singing and praying. We got to the part of the song where we sang, "We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary; we won't be satisfied at all." We repeated this part several times. At that moment, I spoke to God and said, "Lord, I know that this might not be a big deal in comparison to so many other things that are going on in the world, but Lord, PLEASE give me rest. PLEASE get Seth to sleep at night. Change his schedule around so that I can get some sleep!" As I was praying this, I fully believed that God could change Seth around, but I also felt kind of guilty for bringing something so "trivial" before the Lord, but by this time, I didn't care anymore...I just wanted something to work and I knew my God could do this. I looked over at Seth and he was asleep. My anxiety rose. My first thought was, now how is he going to sleep tonight if he sleeps through this entire service? I focused back in on the worship and I continued to pray. I honestly have no idea what the sermon was about that evening, but one thing I do know is that the Lord hears our cries and answers even the smallest of requests. Even though Seth had slept a lot that day and even through most of that evening service, he slept from 10pm to 6am for the very first time! What a miracle! The boy had barely slept for more than 3 hours at a time at night and with at least a couple of hours awake in between! The funny part is, I kept waking up and checking on him thinking that something was wrong because he did not wake up! At 6am, he was awake, alert, and ready to eat!
What a blessing! I continued to have anxiety in the evenings due to worrying that this was just a one-time thing and that something would cause Seth to go back to his mixed-up schedule, but he never did. Of course, he has had nights where he has woken up due to coughing or wanting to eat while going through a growth spurt, but from that night on, he pretty much has slept through the night. Praise God!
I called my mom that morning to tell her the good news. I would call her throughout the day and give her updates on his sleep (because I'm sure she really wanted to know, haha)! I would call her every morning around 8am to tell her whether or not Seth had a good night. She was always expecting my call. This was an outlet for me. It was a way to get rid of some of my anxiety by being reassured that Seth would continue to sleep through the night and that I would continue to make it. I'm sure I wore my mom out during these crazy days, but she stuck by my side. She listened, comforted, and encouraged me even if I was driving her crazy with all of my calls (I know that if I was, she would never admit to it anyway!). I appreciate everything that my mom did and does for me and my family. I would have never made it through this time in my life if she had not been there for me.
From this point on, Seth has done well sleeping, but unfortunately, I haven't! Due to anxiety and stress, I very rarely get a good night's sleep. I wake up every morning feeling like I slept for 2 hours even if I did sleep for 6 hours. My doctor and I are trying to get this worked out, and I know that one day it will be worked out for good. I can't wait until the depression, anxiety, and panic attacks are OVER!!!
