Last week I attended an appointment with my psychiatrist just to give him updates on how I have been doing and to see what is next in my treatment. I figured he would tell me that I was on my way to having my medication decreased and eventually be off of it completely. Instead, my psychiatrist said that he was decreasing my medication to the lowest dose and that he would probably not lower it again. I was confused! What did that mean? I asked him what he was saying. He again stated that he would lower my dosage to the lowest dose of this type of medication and that he would likely not lower it again. I told him that I heard that, but what exactly was he saying? I said, "So are you saying that I'm never going to be off of medication completely?" He began explaining the risks of going back into depression if I were to be taken off of the medication completely. I reminded him of our conversation during my first appointment with him when I had asked him if taking medication now meant that I would have to take it for life. At that appointment he assured me that I could easily be on medication for a short period of time and then be off of it. I also remembered him saying that it would likely be about 1 year of treatment, but it differs for each person. Well, here we are almost 2 years later and he's telling me that I might be on this medication for life?
We continued to discuss this news. He said that my depression had lasted for almost 2 years and that it was very difficult for me to come out of it. Because it lasted so long, he was leery of taking me off of the medication completely fearing that the depression could return, and that it could possibly be worse. Shockingly, I wasn't at all worried or afraid. I just looked at him and said that I would like to completely come off of the medication. He again stated that his professional opinion would be to stay on the lowest dose of the medication for the rest of my life to possibly prevent any future issues with depression. He stated that he would suggest that I ask another psychiatrist if I was not sure of what to do. He said that he would monitor me for 6 more months and at my next appointment, we could discuss what to do next. He said that if I wanted to come off of the medication completely, he would make a plan to wean me off of it. Again, he stated that his professional/clinical opinion was for me to remain on the medication.
As I sat there, I thought about everything he had said. I also thought about how the Lord is with me. Now, I obviously respect the opinion of my psychiatrist or I would have never met with him in the first place, but I also know that my Lord gives complete healing. I know that I will not need to be on medication for the rest of my life. I am going to be patient and see how the next 6 months go and pray about it, but I know that God has it all under control. I'm not advising anyone to not listen to their doctor's medical opinion...please don't mistake my point. I'm saying that sometimes we need to do a little bit of research on our own and pray about things before making a lifelong decision!
Regardless of what happens, I am thankful that God has brought me this far. I'm thankful that I enjoy my son each and every day. Yes, I have days that I want a break and days that I feel like everything is falling apart, but this is normal. I'm no longer downcast all day long every day. I no longer feel like I'm doomed. Things have definitely improved and I feel like myself again.
If you are reading this post and you are feeling defeated, know that things will get better. Life will not always be the way it is today. Continue pressing through. Each day you journey through is one day closer to your recovery. Try your best not to get caught up in those thoughts of doom and things never changing because that is a LIE. Things will get better. One day you will look over at that sweet child of yours and your world will light up. One day you will finally have those feelings about your child that everyone else has been talking about...one day. Stay encouraged and be blessed.
We continued to discuss this news. He said that my depression had lasted for almost 2 years and that it was very difficult for me to come out of it. Because it lasted so long, he was leery of taking me off of the medication completely fearing that the depression could return, and that it could possibly be worse. Shockingly, I wasn't at all worried or afraid. I just looked at him and said that I would like to completely come off of the medication. He again stated that his professional opinion would be to stay on the lowest dose of the medication for the rest of my life to possibly prevent any future issues with depression. He stated that he would suggest that I ask another psychiatrist if I was not sure of what to do. He said that he would monitor me for 6 more months and at my next appointment, we could discuss what to do next. He said that if I wanted to come off of the medication completely, he would make a plan to wean me off of it. Again, he stated that his professional/clinical opinion was for me to remain on the medication.
As I sat there, I thought about everything he had said. I also thought about how the Lord is with me. Now, I obviously respect the opinion of my psychiatrist or I would have never met with him in the first place, but I also know that my Lord gives complete healing. I know that I will not need to be on medication for the rest of my life. I am going to be patient and see how the next 6 months go and pray about it, but I know that God has it all under control. I'm not advising anyone to not listen to their doctor's medical opinion...please don't mistake my point. I'm saying that sometimes we need to do a little bit of research on our own and pray about things before making a lifelong decision!
Regardless of what happens, I am thankful that God has brought me this far. I'm thankful that I enjoy my son each and every day. Yes, I have days that I want a break and days that I feel like everything is falling apart, but this is normal. I'm no longer downcast all day long every day. I no longer feel like I'm doomed. Things have definitely improved and I feel like myself again.
If you are reading this post and you are feeling defeated, know that things will get better. Life will not always be the way it is today. Continue pressing through. Each day you journey through is one day closer to your recovery. Try your best not to get caught up in those thoughts of doom and things never changing because that is a LIE. Things will get better. One day you will look over at that sweet child of yours and your world will light up. One day you will finally have those feelings about your child that everyone else has been talking about...one day. Stay encouraged and be blessed.
