So THANKFUL for Recovery!!

It is so interesting and eerie to think back on the past 20 months of my life.  It's weird to have blocks of time in those months that I don't recall at all.  I know that we all have times that we don't remember things, but this is different...trust me.

So last month I sat down and ate dinner with a friend.  During our meal we began discussing how our lives had changed and we reflected on where we used to be.  My friend brought up an instance regarding my struggle with PPD.  She said that she and I met for lunch one day when I was on maternity leave.  I showed up looking a complete mess!  She continued the story stating that I had told her that I was very tired and I was not sleeping well at all.  She asked where my son was and I responded that he was spending the night with my parents.  This caught her off-guard because she didn't think that I would allow him to go anywhere, and especially not allow him to stay overnight somewhere, with him being so young.  My friend explained that I told her about my struggles with my son having his nights and days confused.  She could sense that something was wrong.  She said that she very gently approached the subject of PPD.  My friend said that I was very defensive and that I told her that my doctor had said that it was just the baby blues and that I was just fine.  She said that she tried to talk about it with me a little bit more because she was concerned, but I responded with complete denial and kept saying that there was no way I had PPD and that everything was normal.  As my friend shared her memory of that day with me, I sat in complete shock!  I had no recollection of this taking place at all.  I asked her when it was and where we ate lunch.  She shared the details.  I thought very hard, but still I could not recall the moment at all.  I joked with her for a little while stating that she was just teasing me and that this never really happened, but she continued to say that it did.  She said she was really worried about me because I didn't look like or act like myself.

Although this wasn't any big incident, it is still crazy to me that I don't remember this at all.  I don't remember arguing that I was fine and that I didn't have PPD.  There have been several other things that my husband has mentioned or other friends have mentioned and I have no recollection of them.  There are other "memories" that are starting to come back.  It's like something happens and then all of a sudden a memory comes back and I just stare in disbelief like "Wow, that really did happen, how could I have forgotten that?" 

As I am on my way to recovery, most of the time when these "flashbacks" hit me, I just sit amazed.  I'm amazed that God brought me so far.  In the midst of the worst of my depression, I was having thoughts of leaving for good and ending my life.  I felt that I had no hope to live another day.  I felt so sad, flat, and like I was going through time completely numb.  Today, I live each day happy that God has turned things around.  I get excited about spending time with my son.  I am happy to have time together as a family and I am so THANKFUL that God has brought me through to the other side of this storm I was stuck in.

This Thanksgiving, try your best to spend time with family and friends, even if you don't feel like it.  Secluding yourself and being alone with your thoughts will not help your depression at all.  When you are left alone just with your thoughts, it's easy to make yourself believe some crazy things.  Surround yourself with the people that love you.  You don't have to talk much.  You don't have to wear a smile on your face.  You don't even have to fake that everything is okay.  Just be there, in the moment, surrounded by the people who love you and just take it all in.  Maybe, just maybe, their joy and laughter will suck you in and you can forget about the pain and loneliness you feel on the inside.  In these moments, God can begin to heal you.  He can remind you that there is HOPE for tomorrow, and He can remind you that you are LOVED and you are NOT ALONE.

Happy Thanksgiving!  :-)

Don't let the Holidays d-r-a-g you Down!

As I reminisce about previous holidays, I find myself remembering the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Because the holidays can bring all sorts of memories back, it is important to prepare yourself for the holiday season if you find yourself sinking back into depression or worried that you may get sucked back in.  As a Christian, I know that Jesus has created me to be an overcomer.  I know that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.  I know that with God all things are possible.  Now, with that said, there is nothing wrong with preparing yourself for a time of year that you typically find yourself wandering back to that dark place. 

Below are some tips that I discovered at http://www.cbn.com/health/emotionalwellness/rebeltaylor_holidaydepression.aspx

Tips on Overcoming Holiday Depression

Make realistic plans – Don’t stress in attempting to create the Norman Rockwell holiday – a relaxed, cozy Thanksgiving or Christmas with family and friends will create memories for a lifetime. Take time for each of you to share something you are thankful for. Read the Christmas story and talk about the greatest Gift ever given.

Extended families – Plan and schedule visits in advance, communicate openly about expectations, and work together to set a schedule you can all agree on. Create an atmosphere of love and grace for your child.

Negative or sad memories associated with the holidays – First, acknowledge how you feel. Ignoring it won’t make it go away. Sit down and allow yourself a little time to face and express your feelings and emotions, confess them to God, and allow Him to cover you in His grace and mercy. Create a new memory by planning something different and even unexpected.

Singles or Single again – Don’t dread sitting at home alone. Take the initiative and invite others to join you, or ask to join a family for the day. Again, it’s okay to admit you feel lonely or sad, but don’t stay there. Grab a friend and do the unexpected.

Take the focus off of you – Volunteer to serve others at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. We all feel better when we help others, and showing the love of Christ to those less fortunate is a wonderful gift.

 Plan – Have a shopping plan or cooking schedule. List similar gifts together and group by stores. Allot yourself a realistic time frame to accomplish each task. Wandering mindlessly from store to store is exhausting and a waste of time. Schedule your time to purchase your groceries and cook beforehand to make your time productive.

Learn to say NO – You don’t have to say yes to every project, party, or activity. WE make the holidays about doing, NOT God!

TLC – Take a little time each day for yourself and do something you truly enjoy. Sit and rest in the presence of the Father. Let Him refresh and renew you.

If you find that you are unable to work through the feelings of sadness or depression, seek prayer from a trusted friend, consult your physician, or go to your pastor for guidance and help.

The holidays are to be a time of joy, peace, and good-will; taking the time to set realistic expectations and re-focusing our attention on the Creator of the holiday is a good start!

These are just a few of the ways that you can prepare yourself for the upcoming holidays.  I think it is very important to open up to someone you trust about how you are feeling.  If you don't talk to someone, it's easy to retract back into that dark place and to start feeling like no one understands.  Once I get to this point, I don't feel like being around anyone and I just want the holidays to pass without being noticed!  This is NOT how God intended for our lives to be.  He wants us to enjoy the holidays by showing love to one another and by celebrating the birth of his one and only Son.  God wants us to be a LIGHT to others and that is one very difficult thing to do if you are closed off in the dark with no one around! 

Make a choice this holiday season to stay mentally healthy.  Don't over-book yourself by saying you will be in three places at one time.  Don't volunteer to make every dish you are a master at.  Don't freak yourself out by starting to feel sad and then being over critical of yourself.  Do call up a good friend or family member and share your heart.  Be transparent and ask for help if you need it.  Do find ways to show love and kindness to others without exhausting yourself.  If needed, take some time alone and shed a healthy tear or two, but do not dwell in the feelings of sadness...move on. 

I pray that all of my friends and family will have a Happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas!  I hope that this holiday season finds you full of joy and sharing the love of Christ.  REMEMBER...this moment of sadness or depression will NOT last forever, things will change!!

Here is a little Christmas joy that I wanted to spread!  :-)

http://youtu.be/0hYxYxAXTKo